Continuing our presentation of the upcoming release Sharanagati, here Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur expresses the remorse and anxiety of a surrendered soul.
Sharanagati
Song One: Verses Four through Seven
ādarera chhele, svajanera kole,
hāsiyā kāṭānu kāla
janaka-jananī– snehete bhuliyā,
saṁsāra lāgila bhāla [4]
ādarera–of adoring parents; chhele–a son; svajanera–of relatives; kole–in the lap; hāsiyā–smiling, laughing; kāṭānu–I passed; kāla–time; janaka–of my father; jananī–of my mother; snehete–because of the affection; bhuliyā–forgetting; saṁsāra–family life, the material world; lāgila–felt; bhāla–good. [4]
(4) As a son of adoring parents, I spent my time in their laps, smiling and laughing. Forgetting You because of the affection of my mother and father, I took pleasure in family life (material existence).
krame dina dina, bālaka ha-iyā,
khelinu bālaka saha
āra kichhu-dine, jñāna upajila,
pāṭha paḍi ahar-ahaḥ [5]
krame–gradually; dina–day; dina–by day; bālaka–a boy; ha-iyā–becoming; khelinu–I played; bālaka–boys; saha–with; āra–more; kichhu–some; dine–after days; jñāna–faculty of knowledge; upajila (udita ha-ila)–arose; pāṭha–lessons; paḍi–I study; ahar-ahaḥ (dina dina, sarva-kṣaṇa)–day after day (all the time). [5]
(5) Day by day I grew into a young boy and played with other young boys. Later on my intellect developed and I studied my lessons day in and day out.
vidyāra gaurave, bhrami’ deśe deśe,
dhana upārjana kari’
svajana-pālana, kari eka-mane,
bhulinu tomāre hari! [6]
vidyāra–of learning; gaurave–on the strength; bhrami’–travelling; deśe–in country; deśe–in (another) country; dhana–wealth; upārjana–earning; kari’–doing; svajana–relatives; pālana–maintenance; kari–I do; eka–single; mane–with a mind; bhulinu–I forgot; tomāre–about You; hari!–oh Lord! [6]
(6) Then on the strength of my learning, I travelled from place to place, earned money, and maintained my family with undivided attention. I forgot You, oh Lord!
Sri Laghu-chandrika-bhasya
dhana upārjana o svajana-pālana: “Earned money and maintained my family.” This is described by Shukadev Goswami to Maharaj Pariksit in Srimad Bhagavatam (2.1.3):
nidrayā hriyate naktaṁ vyavāyena cha vā vayaḥ
divā chārthehayā rājan kuṭumba-bharaṇena vā
“Oh King, the lifetime of materialistic householders is wasted by night in sleeping or engaging in sexual indulgence, and by day in earning money and maintaining family members.”
vārddhakye ekhana, bhakati-vinoda,
kā̐diyā kātara ati
nā bhajiyā tore, dina vṛthā gela,
ekhana ki ha’be gati? [7]
vārddhakye–in old age; ekhana–now; bhakati-vinoda–Bhakti Vinod; kā̐diyā–crying; kātara–distressed; ati–very; nā–not; bhajiyā–serving; tore–to You; dina–days; vṛthā–vain; gela–passed; ekhana–now; ki–what?; habe–will be; gati–destination. [7]
(7) Now aged, Bhakti Vinod cries in great distress, “Not serving You, I have passed my days in vain. What will be my fate now?”